How to deal effectively with loneliness?
To be alone among people like you is very scary. This is worse than depression and apathy. Loneliness is called the disease of the 21st century. And more and more people have been suffering from it lately.
Who suffers more from loneliness?
Scientists believe that women suffer more and more often from loneliness than men. It is known that women are more emotional than men. They especially expect from friendship, companionship and love emotional support, affection, support, help and advice, which is so lacking when a person is alone.
Disadvantages of being alone
How to deal effectively with loneliness
For example, one friend of mine needs to go to the mountains for two months to restore peace of mind and spend time there in meditation, and a second friend finds it difficult to sit at home even for one day.
Ways to deal with loneliness
A study conducted at the University of Chicago found that loneliness has a detrimental effect on human health, similar to alcohol, smoking and overeating. Scientists believe that isolation from society is equal to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. In addition, people suffering from loneliness are very susceptible to nervous, cardiovascular and other psychosomatic diseases (diseases from the nerves).
1. Poses a health risk
Many single people have misconceptions about themselves and others. The more they delve into and blame themselves, the lower their self-esteem drops and the more difficult it becomes for them to communicate with others. The more they invent enemies in the person of those around them, the higher they build a wall between themselves and society. No wonder they say - "if you want to change the situation, start with yourself."
1. Eliminate misconceptions about yourself and others
When a lonely person talks about how lonely and unhappy he is, those who hear him may experience the same feelings about themselves. On the other hand, a person experiencing loneliness is alienated from other people. In turn, people from his past environment also become lonely, having lost an interlocutor or friend.
2. Loneliness is «contagious»
As a rule, people become lonely who have lost an emotionally significant person for themselves: for example, after the betrayal of a loved one. To isolate oneself from the whole world after such stress is a natural state of a person, but one should not get carried away with hermitism, since the very spirit of loneliness develops even more distrust of people.
3. Develops distrust of others
A feature of loneliness is that not always relatives and friends can see the problem of their friend's loneliness. Precious time is lost and the psychological illness progresses.
4. Loneliness is invisible to others
Temporary loneliness is believed to be beneficial. It is better to determine its time period yourself. For example, ask yourself a question or set an experience: "What time will I be comfortable alone with myself?"
5. The virtues of being alone
If now you are forced to be alone - for example, you left for an unfamiliar city, broke up with your loved one, quarreled with your best friend, find the pluses in your loneliness.
You have more time for yourself - acquire new knowledge and skills in preparing complex dishes, read historical, scientific literature, sign up for foreign language courses, driving, knitting, massage, etc.), take care of your appearance and do what you like.
It is human nature to defend. Inside, he can languish with loneliness, but outside he can be tough and unfriendly. How can others understand that you need communication?
2. Open up to the world
No matter how difficult it is, you should learn to sincerely smile at the world, greet your neighbors, find new friends in the work team, on trips, travels, among the mummies walking on the playground like your children.
We often feel sorry for ourselves and complain about our loneliness, while we ourselves forget about our relatives, whom we have not seen for a long time, we forget to take care of our grandparents, for whom our help is so important. Why look for new friends when there are so many old ones? Maybe you should find a notebook and contact them?
3. Rebuild old connections
4. Help the one who is worse than you
Another example - a neighbor's grandmother broke her arm and now cannot go to the store and clean the house. Or maybe there is an orphanage next to you and its inhabitants are very bored without communication with adults? Announce a collection of gifts for children among your friends and go visit them.
It is believed that people involved in charitable, educational and medical activities suffer the least from loneliness. It is worth taking note of this.
Once an old friend wrote to me: she was interested in how I was doing and what was new with me. Doubt immediately crept in - why is this all of a sudden such attention to my person? And I was right. After 5 minutes of simple communication, she persistently began to impose network cosmetics on me and invite me to a master class.
Imagine how nice it would be if people were interested in your mood and news "just like that"? And there are such people. They are called the soul of the company, they immediately have to themselves. They can ask "how are you", tell about themselves, tell a funny story that just happened to them in the store, tell a new anecdote.
After a few minutes of communication, you relax, you understand that the interlocutor does not demand anything from you, does not impose, does not teach and does not use you as a vest. He just communicates, feels pleasure from it and charges with his energy. Probably worth trying to do the same?
You don't have to take a psychology course to overcome your loneliness. If you find something you like to do - for example, visit a handicraft club, a swimming pool, a fitness center, sign up for the mayor's detachments, volunteer - you will definitely find yourself a good company. There is nothing better than having like-minded people as friends and loved ones.
6. Hobbies and work
Mistakes in dealing with loneliness
Everyone knows that the absorption of various goodies releases hormones of joy into the body. If a beloved has thrown us, we gorge ourselves on chocolate, we just can't meet a worthy prince - we buy a cake. The children grew up and left for another city - we eat up our loneliness with fat smoked meats.
1. «Seizing» loneliness
For many, this hobby becomes a real drug. As a result, such a "hobby" does not eliminate the problem, but, on the contrary, exacerbates it. Excess weight accumulates, digestive problems appear, and the load on the cardiovascular system increases.
Surely among your environment there are people who are worse off than you. For example, your sister recently gave birth to a baby and is having a hard time coping with it. Help her, she will definitely appreciate it.
A person becomes even more fixated on himself, his appearance, health, and he has no time to restore social harmony.
Learning what stimulants are is up to teenagers. But people who are pretty "battered by life" become dependent on them.
If the younger generation drinks mainly from misunderstanding by adults, then the older one drinks because of dissatisfaction with oneself, lifestyle and social circle. "I have no one to speak out, no one lets me open my mouth!" They say.
Naturally, alcoholic and drug "soaring" gives temporary, illusory happiness.
2. An analogue of «seizing» is the use of artificial harmful stimulants of joy - alcohol and drugs
5. Learn to communicate «just like that»
© 2019, Dr. Meyer
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